Let’s get into it.

1. Lack of Self-Efficacy:

Let’s face it

Self-efficacy is basically your belief in your own ability to “handle” something.

Here, that means the reason your nervous system freaks out during social interactions is that it’s convinced you can’t “handle it” (going blank, saying something stupid, etc.)

& why is that?

Simply coz you haven’t been in enough of these situations & come back with enough positive experiences to let your brain know there’s nothing to fear.

Thus, every social situation feels like walking into “enemy territory.”

2. Lack of Self-Esteem:

The other common issue is YOU approaching social interactions looking to “perform” (gain approval).

This same obsession with being validated & with how you come across in general is actually what makes you overly “self-conscious,” and therefore shy/awkward/anxious.

Pay the price. Opportunity cost:

Here’s the thing.

Few skills will ever pay you more than being “good with people.”

Not an opinion. A fact. Getting even 20% better can double the half-life of your efforts across every facet of your life.

Limiting beliefs. The lies you tell yourself about yourself:

Your first step toward becoming more “social” is to realize there’s no DNA strand that makes some “charismatic” & others not.

Let’s say you think: “I’m naturally shy around people...” By believing it & framing it that way, any effort you make toward “not being shy” is, according to you, both UNNATURAL & POINTLESS.

It’s like you’d be fighting your very own NATURE.

Forget that.

Try this instead: “I’m not shy; I’m bad at socializing.”

Fact is, you are not X, Y, Z. You’ve just made some traits HABITUAL, when in reality they’re NOT.

Rewrite the script. YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR HABITS.

Starting here...

1. Build Self-Efficacy. Gradual exposure:

Listen;

Confident people aren’t confident because they don’t feel doubt. No, in fact, they experience doubt as much as you & everybody else.

But the difference? In a word, EVIDENCE.

They’ve already been in those situations you’re so afraid of, and came back with positive experiences.

Those same past, and positive experiences are actually what allows them to approach new ones CONFIDENTLY.

Why exactly ?

Simply because your brain is constantly updating its own mental image of who you are & what you can do from your own behaviour…

Means if you avoid social interactions & your brain will assume that they’re dangerous , and that you can’t handle them.

Just like the opposite is also true. every time you show up despite the fears/doubts, your brain updates that there’s nothing for you to be afraid of.

Coz end of the day most confident people you know are no different from you; they’re just people who gave their brain more evidence.

Plus, you can start small (gradual exposure)-->read more about it in my newsletter.

2. Build your Self-Esteem. Stop expecting validation:

As I said earlier a lot of your shyness/social anxiety comes from you waiting for others to give you validation, due to you not having a good enough image of yourself.

So how do you fix that exactly?

As cliché as it may sound, the only way to do it is still by starting to “respect yourself”

More specifically, you wanna start doing “meaningful” actions with your time, and at the same time remove all actions that make you hate yourself & aren’t in line with who you want to be...

Stop going against your promises (to others & yourself). Stop pursuing cheap dopamine. Stop fooling around. Start exercising & taking care of your health and appearance. Start pursuing your goals. Start doing hard things. Etc.

Idea here is to prove to yourself that you’re someone of value.

Because then, & only then, you’ll stop waiting for people’s approval